How to balance the relationship between parents and children?
There are many forms of roles in life regarding the role and function of parenting children from their parents, there are parenting models applying authoritarian patterns, democratic patterns, to permissiveness, alias keep letting go even though it's wrong but still controlling with caution. Many parents apply a combination of forms of parenting that can be applied. So that every parent has a unique parenting model or parenting style for their children. The different and unique parenting models are caused by the child's own character, environmental impact and the child's level of education.
“Every parent wants to create opportunities for their children to reach the desired model expectations, maybe even reach conditions beyond their own experience” says a Pediatrician, also a founder of the Kindergarten Foundation. “Of course, the healthy growth conditions of the child both the opportunities that the child has and his education have a great impact on the development of the child's health. Equally important which should be maintained and nurtured is the quality of the relationship between children and parents which is based on unconditional love. The next question following this article is; What is the form of parental effort before applying a balanced pattern of relationships with children?
Becoming a Fully Conscious Parenting by considering children as friends.
Fully conscious parenting or conscious parenting is formed from the concept of "mindfulness" which has recently become popular, reinforcing the fact that parents play a very important role in being aware of children's behavior and words. Mindful parenting, which advocates that children should react calmly and attentively to their positive or negative behavior, is a parenting approach that aims to strengthen the parent-child relationship in a positive way. Being a consciously supportive parent by taking a more moderate attitude when dealing with unwanted behavior rather than being annoyed, angry or even yelling at him loudly.
Let's consider together the concept of "friend-parenting", which is often mentioned today, which is also related to the concept of conscious parenting, which includes the characteristics of the modern, democratic, and permissive parenting model. Let's first consider the basic responsibilities of parents; unconditional love, trust, order, healthy living and conditions for development. So what concepts are included in the definition of a friend? Love, sharing, care and approval.
These two different roles also have the same characteristics, namely attention and love! Both conscious and parenting parents consider their child to be a friend, teaching parents that because each child's interests and strengths are different it is a good start to try to identify his temperament and accompany him to the types of games he enjoys to bridge the gap between parents and children. Every child loves to play because playing is a tool that releases imagination where children will become excited and socialize many times. Participating in the games that the child likes allows parents to get to know our children better. So if you see your child likes a certain behavior or activity, for example running while chasing a lock, it is important for parents to involve themselves and play as if the parents are friends of the child.
Dimensions of "Parenting Awareness" and Description of Relationship Limitations of Parents as Friends in Parenting.
If parents don't teach their children about rules and boundaries but wait for them to find them, as a result, the child will certainly not be happy and the child may be in a situation of being ostracized by his environment because he knows no boundaries. Every child is still an individual so that because children accept disorder and uncertainty it is feared that they will tend to be negative, which is why children need boundaries. If they can't understand it by means of the restrictions model imposed by their parents or Friends our kids don't automatically restrict when kids interact. So it shouldn't be so strange that it's surprising to find a child whose parents act like friends suddenly get angry when they set boundaries.
We must remember that in everything we hope to achieve, it is often not what we do that makes the achievement successful, but how we do it is more important. In the society we live in, there are many events where everyone really understands what to do in order to achieve a certain achievement target if it is done the way they know it. But the fact is that only a few people are able to achieve these achievements until they "successfully" get them, that is because the way they do it is different from the average person. Thus, in limiting children's behavior, such as determining the needs of our children or when asking their opinion, exemplifying the democratic attitude of parents, it is necessary for each parent to have a different way based on the tendency of the child's condition, environment and children's education so that parents arrive at creating a healthy relationship with their parents. Also important for analyze the needs of our children when parents will set priority boundaries that will apply to children.
Parents who are aware of the importance of parenting patterns should try the pattern of the role of parents who act like a 'friend' to their children. This method is very useful so that it is easier to create an image for children when a boundary will be applied to children. There are many advantages in parenting relationships that apply peer patterns or as children's playmates. Through parents' awareness of the importance of choosing a parenting pattern, success in setting boundaries for children at the same time teaches a habit for him as well as a moment to know the child's special needs. The application of the method as just described in such a way is sure to guarantee direct benefits for both parents and children. So knowing the dimensions of being aware of the importance of parenting is very important to build a healthy and balanced relationship between children and parents.
Here are some theories that can be applied parents as a bridge towards the implementation of parenting are as follows:
o Listening: Listening and observing carefully when communicating with a child allows us to have a better idea of the child's needs. At the same time this allows parents to get the information they need, which at the same time contributes to the child's level of confidence.
o Getting Rid of Prejudice: Parents should explore their children's attitude towards certain situations or events for special reasons by not always being prejudiced. Reflecting good expectations will have a positive impact on the contrary, prejudiced attitudes about children to children will certainly have a bad impact on children which is reflected in children's daily bad behavior. If this bad behavior has already occurred, the parents will repeat the pattern of restrictions as described above.
o Emotional Awareness: Parents, like everyone, can sometimes give in to their own emotions because of the factors that are going on and react emotionally. Communicating with children without emotional reactions and with conscious feelings helps children to gain emotional awareness of children growing healthy and developing.
o Control Skills: Self-control skills are directly related to emotional awareness. In this condition parents become aware of their own feelings to be able to maintain feelings by thinking before reacting.
o Affection: It is important to make the child feel that we are always there for him, both in the awareness of the importance of parenting and through the parenting pattern of considering the child as a friend. Approaching children with empathy and compassion maintains a relationship of trust.
There are several other methods for applying the dimensions of awareness of parenting in relationships with children. For example, always seeking and discovering new discoveries with children is great to excite every individual, especially children. Many studies have shown that children's unforgettable memories are real-life experiences they used to share with their parents. Traveling with them, swimming, camping, eating, singing, praying to planting and caring for plants allows us to have fun together and collect unforgettable memories. There are many other choices that parents can make who have fostered a conscious attitude in themselves to build parent-child relationships through the model of Considering children as friends. According to the views of two authors of books that focus on the relationship between parents and children, Linda Perlman Gordon and Susan Morris Shafer, "A close relationship like a friend (between mother and child) will create good characters such as empathy, good listener, loyal and caring."
What should parents do?
o Parents really need to know their child very well. Parents should have an idea about the stages of physical and mental development of children, this is achieved by observing the relationship between parents and their children properly.
o Parents need to adopt an attitude of respect for their children and other family members. Relationships based on mutual respect in the family instill confidence in children.
o Conscious parents accept that their child is an individual and not theirs. A balanced parent-friend relationship supports this idea.
o Conscious parents are open to change and flexible minded, recognizing that children are unique individuals who are different from one another.
o A conscious parent prepares activities that will help him spend time with his child and spend more time with him.
o Conscious parents set the boundaries of the parenting relationship with the concept of peers or as friends of the child. This gives children more responsibilities and reminds them of these responsibilities.
From all this, we can see that friendship and nurturing are actually two different roles that may have the same traits, but still have different roles. As grandmother, teacher, and friend are different roles, when we mix roles in parenting, without any restrictions, the child will be in a condition that tends to be negative and emotional stability for the child. When determining the parenting model, parents must design a method based on the experience of parents which is intended to be able to collect beautiful memories without forgetting the role as a guide for children. Faber and Mazlish's humble and respectful approach will make children enjoy a comfortable mental condition, not stress. If so it will help us to create healthy and loving relationships with our children, to better define the boundaries of parenting through the child as a friend model, and at the same time make parents aware of the importance of applying the pattern of the parenting capital model. Just as parents are required to apply ways of placing empathy and respect for their children when implementing parenting patterns, this is to help parents understand why their children behave badly and how they can respond effectively and gently to affection, says Ockwell. -Smith in his book entitled "Gentle Discipline".
As the closing paragraph of this article, it is very relevant if we adjust the parenting pattern during the Covid-19 coronavirus outbreak by implementing what kind of parenting pattern?. The following are ideas that parents should be able to do as contained on the UNICEF (United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund) website: https://www.unicef. org/ easterncaribbean/ tips-parenting-during-coronavirus-covid-19-outbreak ).
The ideas as a Tips for parenting during the coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak to help parents to balance the relationship between parents and children.
1. “School shutdown is also a chance to make better relationships with our children and teenagers. One-on-One time is free and fun. It makes children feel loved and secure, and shows them that they are important.”
2. Set aside time to spend with each child
3. Ask your child what they would like to do
4. Switch off the TV and phone. Listen to them, look at them. Give them your full attention. Have fun!
5. Use positive words when telling your child what to do; like "Please put your clothes away" (instead of "Don't make a mess").
6. Praise your child when they are behaving well
7. Keep calm and manage stress within this is a stressful time. Take care of yourself, so you can support your children.
8. etc.
( HRP/14/Aug/21).
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